third week slip

oy, that's all a girl can say.

weighed in this morning & up. blech.

but, i will survive...as long as i know how to love...oops, wrong place. not karaoke night, eh?

the competition is still early, & still time to lose. or win. actually, both :)

& i now have the wonderful riley to further aid my cause. yippee!

gearing up

it's no secret that jenn & i have been going to the Y, especially since we have several Y based stories between this blog & my main blog. & since both jenn & i have been kind of stalling on our weight loss & we've both been wanting to lose more weight & get toned up, & it's always easier to do that sort of thing when the people around you are on board & not trying to sabotage you. & it's also easier when you're being held accountable to someone else.

so tomorrow morning at eleven we have an appointment at the Y to sign up for their free training program. basically it's meeting every four weeks with a staff member, setting up fitness goals & getting some guidance into how you should be working out to best maximize your time. if that seems to be helping we may join the legions of people who spend their hard earned money on a personal trainer, but we'll see on that one.

it's really coming down to crunch time for me. hmmm, maybe my fat ass should be doing some crunches & not eating so many crunches? something to ponder. i have an appointment set up for february 9th at HCMC for the surgical consult for gastric bypass. & that's only two weeks away! i'm still weighing in at 265, twenty five pounds away from being "ineligible" for surgery. & i'm scared. that i can't do it on my own. & even though there's a remote chance, i'm scared with the surgery that: i'll die, have other complications, or STILL fail. & i couldn't deal with doing something that drastic & then still failing in the end.

i know i talk about being fat & huge & all of that a lot. & yeah, the whole weight loss trip is a lot about vanity for me. but even more, i want to avoid the problems my parents have. i don't want to develop sleep apnea & have to sleep with a CPAP machine every night. i don't want to develop diabetes or high blood pressure or high chlorestoral. i don't want to have to carry nitro pills in case my heart starts to fail me. i don't want to be tied to an inhaler because my lungs won't work right without it. most of all, when i have children i don't want to pass this disease of obesity onto them.

& the cheap bitch in me is screaming that i'm thinking about spending 35 bucks twice a week for a personal trainer. so $70 a week, $140 bi weekly, $280 a month to have someone tell me what i need to do & what i'm doing wrong. but if it saves my life & keeps me from permanently altering my body, it's money well spent, right?

but that's still in the future. for now, the free consult tomorrow & the game plan set by riley at the Y, who i've yet to meet, but doesn't he sound like he MAY be a hot australian guy? YUM YUM YUM! it's more than just the benjamins. but i still do want to kick angel's ass in this competition, she's gotten cocky. *GRINS*

week two rolls on

week two is rolling on & luckily i'm a bit less roly-poly this week. & i'll be honest, it's not because i deserve it.

in the past week i went to the gym a whopping one time & it was a lame workout at that. i had: lemon meraigne pie, jumbo homemade eggrolls, a mcdonald's cheese burger&1/2 order fries&cheery pie, fried chicken, ribs, piece of cherry pie, chocolate reese's cookies, porketta sandwich, chili's shanghai wings & a nasty 1/2 peppercorn burger. . . & i'm sure there's lots of other shyte food in there that i can't think of off hand.

so i'm preparing myself for crap stats next week. BUT, i'm not going to let it get me down because of the fact that my numbers did drop this week, & i'm less now than when we ended the first competition on december 22, 2006. & it's not about the individual failures or slips, but how you handle everything as a whole through out your journey.

& even though i expect to have bad results next week, i'm still going to work hard this week to do a good job. i have my healthy choice dinners for work, i have sugar free chocolate pudding for cravings (only 60 calories!), my soup for lunch, & i'm planning on hitting the gym. & even with the funeral & other stuff going on this week, i'm going to take it all day by day & do my very best & not be mean to myself for the little slips.

it's my turn to bring treats this week for work, & last week most of my challenge mates gave into the temptation of donuts, so i'm bringing something healthier & still a treat, to help them, & myself out. cause it SUCKS having to abstain from treats on treat friday because all that's there is donuts that each have 600+ calories.

week 2 loss/gain: -3.6
total loss/gain: -5.2




**NOTE: the ticker is auto updating, so last week's ticker will NOT reflect last week's stats. obnoxious. yes.

week one (again), baby

so week one weigh in has come & gone. & i'm content with the results. now, of course, i would've loved to have lost lots & lots of weight, but it didn't work out that way. BUT, i didn't gain, i did lose some weight, but something else even more miraculous occurred to me last night while at the Y.

week 1 loss/gain: -1.6 lbs
total los/gain: -1.6 lbs

first my ticker:


& they've updated their tickers to show my bmi & everything, NICE, very NICE :)

so here's the thing i realized: the weight loss is going INCREDIBLY slow, as in if this was a foot race i'd be outpaced by a snail, but it's not all about the freakin number on the scale. & it's not even all about the clothing sizes, because i'm back to wearing my "fat jeans" & can't really comfortably wear my smaller apple bottoms. /tear. BUT, here's the exciting part gang, i was doing my favorite program on the elliptical last night, the weight loss, it's a 28minutes program with a 5minute cool down. usually i wind up doing between 2.10-2.22 miles in those 33 minutes. & yesterday in that same amount of time i managed to do 2.54 miles, a new record for me!

now for anyone who's incredibly in shape that probably doesn't seem like a big whoop at all, but a year ago when i was working out at the company gym with miss jenn after training i hopped on an elliptical, lasted about 30seconds before i said i was going to die, i gutted it out for two minutes, literally fell off the elliptical & told jenn i was going to die. literally. she glided on, told me i wasn't going to die, & to get up off the floor.

& i didn't die. & my body is becoming stronger, my posture better, & my endurance greater. i do wish that all of this came along with a smaller jeans size & tighter glutes, but that will come in time if i keep doing what i've been doing. this really has given me what i've been lacking in weeks of late: hope.

ps, cute tattoo boy was not at the Y friday or yesterday. how dare he? ; )

& it's on, biyatch?

i'm not sure why, but this time the challenge seems to be so much harder for me. we're not even a week into the damn thing & i'm feeling very discouraged. i'm thinking that maybe it's because this time there is so much more on the line for me. it's not just about the money, although it'd be nice 'cause then i'd be able to get the pink ipod nano i've been lusting after. but i've told myself that it IS this or surgery. & with every day that passes i seem to be more assured that i am going to fail to lose weight on my own, despite the fact that i had done fairly well on my own two years ago.

since the official end of the first challenge the friday before christmas i've gained back most of the weight i'd lost, which, wasn't that much at all. a measly 8lbs in twelve weeks. seriously gang, twelve weeks, i should've at least been able to lose 12lbs. but no, it was 8, almost 9, for the whole thing. that's pathetic.

this week has been super bad for me. i did go & work out 4 of the 5 days this past week, which is pretty good, but just about every day i wound up going home & snacking. & trust me, it wasn't celery sticks dipped in fucking salsa. it was cookies, or chips, or whatever other fatty &/or sugary snack happened to be in my line of eye sight. it's like i'm purposely TRYING to sabotage myself so that i will be forced into surgery. which fucking sucks.

at this point i just don't know what to do. it's not like this is some dumb sex bet ala seinfeld, this is serious, it's the rest of my life, my health, my quality of life. & i can't seem to get control again after christmas.

so what has this taught us? NO BINGING FOR HOLIDAYS. EVER. NO MATTER WHAT. basically, eat your carrot sticks & shut the fuck up.

blame it on the gravy

this morning everyone coughed up their starting weights for the competition, version 2.0. & i'm up from the end of the first competition, by three whole pounds, which really really sucks. but i'm still down a total of 5.6 lbs from my starting weight in this whole thing last fall. i guess that's not so bad considering christmas was in there.

& during christmas i took a big vacation from reality. towards the end of the competition i wasn't taking it too seriously anyway. it was obvious to me that jenn was going to win it, which she did. i had my last meeting with the nutritionist & was officially rubber stamped g2g for gastric bypass & just needed to meet with the surgeon. i was in the middle of not only calling off my wedding but actually breaking up with jack. so december kind of sucked ass all the way around.

i know that stress & emotional strain is no excuse for eating like wilbur (some pig) but sometimes it's just so hard to dig down deep & pull up the gumption & stick-to-it-ness that you need in order to see something like this through. & it does get very discouraging, to every day feel like you're depriving yourself & every day go to the gym til you're dripping with sweat & then see no visible results in the scale, in your clothes, in anything. it's fucking disheartening, yo.

granted i did have a wee little new year's road trip in their, & road food has never been well known for being the healthiest dining fare around, but i did resist the urge for mcdonalds. but i indulged in enough chips & chocolate to really make up for it. & then there were the gravy fries at nector's in vermont. YUM! but oh so unhealthy. &, also, i have to note, probably THE best hamburger that i have ever had in my whole long life. *homer-esq drools*

but it's a brand new year & a brand new start, for everyone. & i've decided that come hell or high water 2007 is going to be a fabulous year. i'm going to take the time that i need to focus on myself & do the things in my life that i've been putting off while i take care of others. & this challenge is just the start of all of that.

besides, i can't let jenn win challenge #2 also, it'll make her get a big head : )

it's all about the lincoln's, baby (part deux)

on monday the five new member's of the fabulous competition will be weighing in to get the numbers down & hit the ground running from there.

it's jenn, me, & angel from the first competition. we'll also be joined by jessica & rochelle. blonde jen says she's dropping out, as is jack. we'll see come monday.

rules are the same, the game is the same, but this time, i'm gonna bring it.

yo.

i want to win, BADLY, really avoid getting surgery, cause if i fail this time at losing weight, i've been passing with flying colors on the surgery precertification, so slicey-dicey is pretty close for me & it scares the living be-jezus outta me. yet another good reason to try this whole caper again on my own. even if i can't win the competition itself, i'm gonna bust ass to win the golden ticket to better health, smaller jeans, & a non surgical solution to the biggest health crisis in america.