& the winner is. . .

miss jenn beat me out with a total weight loss of 3.93% to my 3.14%.

kudos to miss jenn, awesome job!

keep up the great work over the holidays.

farm people will be back for a new & improved competition in january.

starting january 5th we'll have our first weigh in for the new game.

all the people! (hopefully) all new blogs!

in the mean time, pass by the 2nd helping at christmas dinner, politely refuse the cookie plate, & avoid fruitcake at all costs!

benched

oi! so this morning as i was rushing out of my house to get to the gym with miss jenn i fell out of my house. yes, you read that right, i literally fell out of my house. some how my gym bag got caught on the door handle & i tripped & fell, with all my weight landing straight on my right knee. doh! so now my right knee hurts like a mother, i skinned it up pretty badly, & bruised it pretty well to boot.

the competition is really coming down to the wire right now, jenn has taken the lead as of the last official weigh in, she & i did an unofficial weigh in tuesday & i came out as the leader, by a slim margin, on that one. so it's still anyone's game & i'm really frustrated by the fact that it's pretty likely that my name is topping the injured list.

so i guess i'll have to pray really hard that this is just sore because i dropped 270 pounds on my poor little knee joint & that i'll be back in the gym by the end of this week. i may chance going tonight & doing some very light treadmill walking, or i may go home. i'm icing & adviling myself right now, so we'll see what happens in the next 3+hours.

week 7 results

& they suck.

i gained. i gained 8.5 lbs in one week. how is that even possible?! i know, it's called razz-matazz. & it was super yummy, but i really shouldn't've had any, especially not the entire bottle over three nights. not a wise move, young skywalker. blech.

the ticker schtick is acting up, so here it is in plain old writing:

total loss so far: 2.5lbs.

oh, & how we have fallen, m'dear

yeah, so i've pretty much taken a huge break from reality, workouts, eating healthy, & every other damn thing. maybe this is why i continually fail at this whole thing, 'cause it's fucking hard to do. not like i'm trying to be a huge whiney baby, but it is so freakin difficult.

intellectually i know i'll feel better by being better to my body. & by actually living the model of using food for fuel & not recreation. if i expect my body to perform well for me than i need to give it good fuel, & while they taste yummy, twinkies & snickers bars are not good fuel, they're the equivalent of putting used chicken grease in your toyata to get an extra .7 miles per gallon. not at all worth it, except in this case the nasty crap makes my mpg worse, not better. blech.

i feel like i go in cycles of doing well with my workouts & everything, then it all goes to shit & i'm eating badly & not working out & just in general doing very bad things to myself. & by bad i mean all the self destructive habits mentioned thus far: junk food, candy, ice cream, no workouts, all that crap. maybe there's something inside me fighting my attempts to be healthy. something very strong that is preventing me from making all these changes permanent.

the closer it gets to the end of this competition, the closer it gets to my possible surgery date, & the more panicked i feel. like a wild rabbit standing alone in the middle of a backyard with a black lab licking its chops & creeping my way. i know that dog can out run me without really trying, but holding still doesn't help either, & my heart is beating a million beats a minute, praying for some kind of reprieve of the whole goddamn thing.