losing steam

it's a hard knock life, sometimes. & boy i've been feeling a few bumps lately. i was SO perfectly angelic last week, with what i ate, & making sure that i worked out very often, & then the weekend hit & it's like some kind of bad habit demon hatched from my skin. & i ate junk food, & sat around on my butt, & got drunk. basically a complete & total 180 from where i had been on wednesday or thursday of that week.

right now i'm still feeling kind of off from my little trip into la-la land. i know that i need to work out again, especially since i had actually been starting, just a wee little touch of a bit, to have more energy from my workouts. & my obsession with food was waning. i mean, sure, i was bitching about not eating "real" or "good" food, but i was getting used to lean cuisine being my food. i won't even try to claim that i was enjoying it, even though some of the meals are not-so-bad.

what THEY say is very true, it's so much easier to be a sinner than a saint. what THEY don't mention in their nice little phraseology is that it's a hell of a lot harder to be in purgatory than to be a saint. &, when it comes to this whole weight loss farce, i feel i'm sitting square in purgatory right now.

i can't even think too much on the numbers, the competition, or any of that. admittedly, i really don't want to lose the bet, but for right now i'm just taking a look at this coming friday & hoping that i don't mess up too badly & gain lots of weight. i'm hoping, praying, that maybe i'll be able to just stay even. that would be really nice, to stay even.

&, for the record, i really must know, on what planet is it justice that you can gain ten pounds over night & it takes two solid weeks, or more, of working yourself to death in order to lose that amount of weight? god seriously has a messed up sense of humor. & that's all i have to say about that.