two days til weigh in

& i'll admit that i'm a bit nervous. i've had some pretty heavy issues, no pun intended, going on in my personal life which have made the whole diet & exercise thing not so much of a priority, which it really should be, because i'm doing this whole misadventure to try to make myself healthier. & i am totally worth being priority number one in my life (but don't tell my puppy walker or kitty cleo, they both have delusions of being #1 on my list).

i'm back on track, or, at least i can see the track now. i did work out yesterday morning & this morning, & the fabulous miss jenn & i will be hitting the Y tonight for a post work workout. i even picked up a small am/fm radio today so that i can listen to the biggest loser on the tv at the Y while i do my workout. so probably exercise bike or treadmill for me tonight since they're within viewing distance of the tv. & the ellipticals are not in view of the nbc tv. yes, i know, bad habit to plan my workout based on which piece of equipment has the best view of the tv, but better than noshing on junk food while sitting on my fat ass at home watching biggest loser, right?

so today i'm trying to get myself all psyched up as i do an ass check in the mirror at work & i said to myself "yo self, if you get into the 260's, like under 263, before thanksgiving then you can have a piece of pie." & then i spent about three hours dreaming about pie & what kind of pie i would get, would it be from baker's square, maybe something choc-gasmic, or maybe my mom's homemade lemon meringue if she makes it, or the lemon dream cake/pie at jack's aunt's if we go over there, trust me, the fantasies i had about pie today are obscene, to say the least. at best they were food porn.

& then, while wiping some stray drool from my chin after a particularly detailed vision of lemon dream pie, i realized, "so, i'm motivating myself to work out, eat healthy, & lose weight by fantasizing about diving mouth first into a pie?" yeah, didn't make much sense to me either, & so i took a mental step back & realized, perhaps another reward should be in order. i've been rewarded with food my whole life, by my parents, grand parents, school, & even work that i've gotten so acclimated to food being the result of good: behavior, test scores, work habits, or just 'cause it's a tuesday. not that i'm placing blame elsewhere, cause it has been my pudgy hands shoveling the sweets into my face for the last decade & a half or so, anything under about 14 i think my parents could've made significant changes, but that's neither here nor there.

so pies. i mean rewards. since torrid is my favoritist place in the whole wide word, i'm thinking of letting myself get some snarky new tee the weekend after thanksgiving if i can get below the mythical 263, or maybe 262 since the ocd math part of me likes it better 'cause it's a palindrome. & i'm sure torrid will have some fabulous diva sales that weekend. the mall will be hellacious for parking, but then again, torrid my dear, torrid!

as for friday, i'll work out, choke down my stinkin' lean cuisine, & see which way the scales tip. & miss jenn is dragging me to body pump tomorrow morning, which means i'll be sore & cranky by 7:05 am. but, totally not related, ks95 is going birthday bucks again starting tomorrow, so hopefully they'll call out my birthday & i can score myself five grand. ah, that would be lovely right now.