farm people

week 9: 3/4 through the competition

2007-03-12T12:38:00.000-07:00

so the jumping into 2007 competition is now 75% done, i can't believe it! it seems like just yesterday i was rolling back across the border from canada & plotting my workout plan. & now it's week nine, which means only three more weeks before the money is given to the biggest loser. right now rochelle & i are neck & neck on the weight loss. in this competition i've lost 17 lbs, which equals 6.43%. rochelle is winning by a hair at 6.73%!

even if i don't take home the big prize, i'm very pleased with what i've done. my butterfly is doing well, 23 lbs lost from the start 0f this blog with the last competition, & that's nothing to sneeze at. my bmi has went down 4 points, which is huge, & losing 6.43% of weight is a great help to my health & well on my way to the recommended minimum 10% for increased health benefits. all in all, today's weight in was good news.

& jenn is committed to kicking my butt from here to the Y, across the Y, & back again to work. so i'll be pretty hard core working out over the next three weeks....& beyond that as we roll into the time for my birthday!

weighing in week 8

2007-03-05T11:11:00.000-08:00

i'm super happy, almost twenty pounds down from where my butterfly first took off from, nearly a fifth of the way through my goal of losing 100lbs. now that is wicked awesome! isn't it amazing what you can do when you really truly put your mind to it? although, i'll admit, i'm kinda afraid to be TOO happy because i'm worried that i'll back slide again. not like you can live your life in fear, but i'm still afraid to be too happy about all of this.

week seven, am i dreaming?

2007-02-28T10:20:00.000-08:00

more progress! while it was disappointing last week that my ticker didn't budge a bit, i was happy it didn't go up. but this week, woot, weight loss! a whole 3.2 lbs. which i'm absolutely gobsmacked by, i mean, wow. so, flutter right along, miss butterfly.

even steven into week six

2007-02-20T11:12:00.000-08:00

so, i didn't gain any weight, but i didn't lose any either. i'm the exact same, right down to the same tenth of a pound as i was last week. which is a wee bit discouraging, but i'm glad i didn't gain. THAT would have been very demoralizing.

riley tried to cheer me up today by saying that i could be gaining muscle while losing fat & muscle weighs more than fat. i'll hang onto that for the next week & hope that all that new muscle starts burning some more fat PDQ.

it doesn't help that i'm sick today. feeling achy & miserable & very much like vomiting & then passing out, or passing out & then vomiting, whichever.

but, here's the ticker, even & all:

almost half through

2007-02-15T14:32:00.000-08:00

i can't believe time has flown by so quickly, we're already over halfway through february! ok, over by one day, but still, over half through! which means 2007 is NEARLY one sixth finished! e-gods!

& that means the competition is nearly half done. week six weigh in is nearly here, which signals the halfway point of the competition. & i have to say, so far everyone seems to be pushing & doing the best we can. OF COURSE, if we were all perfect we would've lost a lot more weight than we would have. then again, if we were all perfect none of us would be above our ideal weight in the FIRST place, right? can i get a hell yeah?

but we aren't perfect. & we don't even work in a perfect situation, it's far from ideal. working in a call center is the perfect way to gain weight & spread your ass. sitting at a computer, tethered to a phone for eight hours a day, your only escape a half hour lunch & two very brief fifteen minute breaks. surrounded by candy jars & cookies & cakes & every other damn thing you can think of.

but, as a group i think we're still doing reasonably well. considering all the opportunities to binge that we're presented with here at work.

five weeks in

2007-02-12T11:04:00.000-08:00

my scale was very nice to me this morning. ok, well, maybe not VERY nice, very nice would have taken me down into the 250's, but i'm down another 1.6 lbs, which is my scale being pretty nice to me. & there is now a bit of separation between the bmi numbers at the top & my butterfly is enjoying some more daisies along the way.

i'll post a longer update soon, not simply scale related, but i must update my other blog now. btw, my cohorts here at work are doing pretty dang well too, 19.4 pounds lost total as a group, way to be rockstars, gang!

going strong into week 4

2007-02-05T10:59:00.000-08:00

week four is definitely treating me better than week three. the biggest is that i lost weight. yippee! but even aside from that, it's because i'm starting to feel stronger going into week four. riley completely kicked my ass last week, my legs were STILL hurting yesterday! but i was glad for the hurt because it meant i had challenged myself & pushed my body to it's limits. i'm excited for this week to see what we're doing & what i can learn.

i'm also super excited because i'm getting stuff in order at home & by the end of the weekend i should have my space set up for my pilates & firm workouts, which i really miss!

& since i lost 2.8 lbs my ticker went down this week! my butterfly sailed by that 10 lbs total lost to say 12.8, woot!

ps: btw, my challengers are doing fairly well too, we have two more to weigh in this week, BUT, since the challenge started, as a group we've lost 14 lbs. which i think is pretty dang spiffy.

is it wrong to smell like aspercream?

2007-02-02T12:02:00.000-08:00

that was the question that i pondered all morning while i limped around my house going, "oh, oh, OH! oh god that hurts!" a long lamenting moan. in the end, i decided that while i'm not at work trolling for boys, i'd prefer not to show up smelling like aspercream, i think that falls under the category of definite turn off!

as i've mentioned in the very last stop, jenn & i did bite the bullet & sign up for a personal trainer at the Y. & so far it's been money well spent. not only has riley kicked our collective asses from one side of the gym to the other, in a supportive kind way, but he's shown me a lot of exercises i've never done before. he's also given some great tips on cardio & what the best strategies are for weight loss.

& one thing he mentioned yesterday, was time. & it SUCKS, cause i know he's right. & in so many ways it really is about time. i can't just sit around on my haunches & WAIT for the weight to disappear, but i do have to give it time while i do my best.

patience is a virtue. & sadly enough, not one that i seem to possess. but i'm trying. i know that it took me a long time to get fat, so it should at least take some time to become less fat. but, it's hard!

& then there's the competition. & i want to WIN. not just for the sake of the money, which would be VERY nice, but also so that i can say i won. so i can know that i'm that much lighter & i did my best to work out & make a great showing.

right now we're 25% through the competition, & since we started on january 8th i've lost 4.4lbs, so theoretically, at the end of it all, on april 2nd, i could be down 17.6 lbs if i keep the same rate of weight loss, which would be a great thing.

just trying to stay positive, keep working, & avoid the free cake at work like it's a flea infested with the black plague & i'm a poor country peasant in england. we all know how THAT story usually wound up. then again, the pope made it through the plague, i can beat the cake.

third week slip

2007-01-29T16:01:00.000-08:00

oy, that's all a girl can say.

weighed in this morning & up. blech.

but, i will survive...as long as i know how to love...oops, wrong place. not karaoke night, eh?

the competition is still early, & still time to lose. or win. actually, both :)

& i now have the wonderful riley to further aid my cause. yippee!

gearing up

2007-01-26T10:24:00.000-08:00

it's no secret that jenn & i have been going to the Y, especially since we have several Y based stories between this blog & my main blog. & since both jenn & i have been kind of stalling on our weight loss & we've both been wanting to lose more weight & get toned up, & it's always easier to do that sort of thing when the people around you are on board & not trying to sabotage you. & it's also easier when you're being held accountable to someone else.

so tomorrow morning at eleven we have an appointment at the Y to sign up for their free training program. basically it's meeting every four weeks with a staff member, setting up fitness goals & getting some guidance into how you should be working out to best maximize your time. if that seems to be helping we may join the legions of people who spend their hard earned money on a personal trainer, but we'll see on that one.

it's really coming down to crunch time for me. hmmm, maybe my fat ass should be doing some crunches & not eating so many crunches? something to ponder. i have an appointment set up for february 9th at HCMC for the surgical consult for gastric bypass. & that's only two weeks away! i'm still weighing in at 265, twenty five pounds away from being "ineligible" for surgery. & i'm scared. that i can't do it on my own. & even though there's a remote chance, i'm scared with the surgery that: i'll die, have other complications, or STILL fail. & i couldn't deal with doing something that drastic & then still failing in the end.

i know i talk about being fat & huge & all of that a lot. & yeah, the whole weight loss trip is a lot about vanity for me. but even more, i want to avoid the problems my parents have. i don't want to develop sleep apnea & have to sleep with a CPAP machine every night. i don't want to develop diabetes or high blood pressure or high chlorestoral. i don't want to have to carry nitro pills in case my heart starts to fail me. i don't want to be tied to an inhaler because my lungs won't work right without it. most of all, when i have children i don't want to pass this disease of obesity onto them.

& the cheap bitch in me is screaming that i'm thinking about spending 35 bucks twice a week for a personal trainer. so $70 a week, $140 bi weekly, $280 a month to have someone tell me what i need to do & what i'm doing wrong. but if it saves my life & keeps me from permanently altering my body, it's money well spent, right?

but that's still in the future. for now, the free consult tomorrow & the game plan set by riley at the Y, who i've yet to meet, but doesn't he sound like he MAY be a hot australian guy? YUM YUM YUM! it's more than just the benjamins. but i still do want to kick angel's ass in this competition, she's gotten cocky. *GRINS*

week two rolls on

2007-01-22T09:47:00.000-08:00

week two is rolling on & luckily i'm a bit less roly-poly this week. & i'll be honest, it's not because i deserve it.

in the past week i went to the gym a whopping one time & it was a lame workout at that. i had: lemon meraigne pie, jumbo homemade eggrolls, a mcdonald's cheese burger&1/2 order fries&cheery pie, fried chicken, ribs, piece of cherry pie, chocolate reese's cookies, porketta sandwich, chili's shanghai wings & a nasty 1/2 peppercorn burger. . . & i'm sure there's lots of other shyte food in there that i can't think of off hand.

so i'm preparing myself for crap stats next week. BUT, i'm not going to let it get me down because of the fact that my numbers did drop this week, & i'm less now than when we ended the first competition on december 22, 2006. & it's not about the individual failures or slips, but how you handle everything as a whole through out your journey.

& even though i expect to have bad results next week, i'm still going to work hard this week to do a good job. i have my healthy choice dinners for work, i have sugar free chocolate pudding for cravings (only 60 calories!), my soup for lunch, & i'm planning on hitting the gym. & even with the funeral & other stuff going on this week, i'm going to take it all day by day & do my very best & not be mean to myself for the little slips.

it's my turn to bring treats this week for work, & last week most of my challenge mates gave into the temptation of donuts, so i'm bringing something healthier & still a treat, to help them, & myself out. cause it SUCKS having to abstain from treats on treat friday because all that's there is donuts that each have 600+ calories.

week 2 loss/gain: -3.6
total loss/gain: -5.2

**NOTE: the ticker is auto updating, so last week's ticker will NOT reflect last week's stats. obnoxious. yes.

week one (again), baby

2007-01-16T10:00:00.000-08:00

so week one weigh in has come & gone. & i'm content with the results. now, of course, i would've loved to have lost lots & lots of weight, but it didn't work out that way. BUT, i didn't gain, i did lose some weight, but something else even more miraculous occurred to me last night while at the Y.

week 1 loss/gain: -1.6 lbs
total los/gain: -1.6 lbs

first my ticker:

& they've updated their tickers to show my bmi & everything, NICE, very NICE :)

so here's the thing i realized: the weight loss is going INCREDIBLY slow, as in if this was a foot race i'd be outpaced by a snail, but it's not all about the freakin number on the scale. & it's not even all about the clothing sizes, because i'm back to wearing my "fat jeans" & can't really comfortably wear my smaller apple bottoms. /tear. BUT, here's the exciting part gang, i was doing my favorite program on the elliptical last night, the weight loss, it's a 28minutes program with a 5minute cool down. usually i wind up doing between 2.10-2.22 miles in those 33 minutes. & yesterday in that same amount of time i managed to do 2.54 miles, a new record for me!

now for anyone who's incredibly in shape that probably doesn't seem like a big whoop at all, but a year ago when i was working out at the company gym with miss jenn after training i hopped on an elliptical, lasted about 30seconds before i said i was going to die, i gutted it out for two minutes, literally fell off the elliptical & told jenn i was going to die. literally. she glided on, told me i wasn't going to die, & to get up off the floor.

& i didn't die. & my body is becoming stronger, my posture better, & my endurance greater. i do wish that all of this came along with a smaller jeans size & tighter glutes, but that will come in time if i keep doing what i've been doing. this really has given me what i've been lacking in weeks of late: hope.

ps, cute tattoo boy was not at the Y friday or yesterday. how dare he? ; )

& it's on, biyatch?

2007-01-13T23:36:00.000-08:00

i'm not sure why, but this time the challenge seems to be so much harder for me. we're not even a week into the damn thing & i'm feeling very discouraged. i'm thinking that maybe it's because this time there is so much more on the line for me. it's not just about the money, although it'd be nice 'cause then i'd be able to get the pink ipod nano i've been lusting after. but i've told myself that it IS this or surgery. & with every day that passes i seem to be more assured that i am going to fail to lose weight on my own, despite the fact that i had done fairly well on my own two years ago.

since the official end of the first challenge the friday before christmas i've gained back most of the weight i'd lost, which, wasn't that much at all. a measly 8lbs in twelve weeks. seriously gang, twelve weeks, i should've at least been able to lose 12lbs. but no, it was 8, almost 9, for the whole thing. that's pathetic.

this week has been super bad for me. i did go & work out 4 of the 5 days this past week, which is pretty good, but just about every day i wound up going home & snacking. & trust me, it wasn't celery sticks dipped in fucking salsa. it was cookies, or chips, or whatever other fatty &/or sugary snack happened to be in my line of eye sight. it's like i'm purposely TRYING to sabotage myself so that i will be forced into surgery. which fucking sucks.

at this point i just don't know what to do. it's not like this is some dumb sex bet ala seinfeld, this is serious, it's the rest of my life, my health, my quality of life. & i can't seem to get control again after christmas.

so what has this taught us? NO BINGING FOR HOLIDAYS. EVER. NO MATTER WHAT. basically, eat your carrot sticks & shut the fuck up.

blame it on the gravy

2007-01-08T14:54:00.000-08:00

this morning everyone coughed up their starting weights for the competition, version 2.0. & i'm up from the end of the first competition, by three whole pounds, which really really sucks. but i'm still down a total of 5.6 lbs from my starting weight in this whole thing last fall. i guess that's not so bad considering christmas was in there.

& during christmas i took a big vacation from reality. towards the end of the competition i wasn't taking it too seriously anyway. it was obvious to me that jenn was going to win it, which she did. i had my last meeting with the nutritionist & was officially rubber stamped g2g for gastric bypass & just needed to meet with the surgeon. i was in the middle of not only calling off my wedding but actually breaking up with jack. so december kind of sucked ass all the way around.

i know that stress & emotional strain is no excuse for eating like wilbur (some pig) but sometimes it's just so hard to dig down deep & pull up the gumption & stick-to-it-ness that you need in order to see something like this through. & it does get very discouraging, to every day feel like you're depriving yourself & every day go to the gym til you're dripping with sweat & then see no visible results in the scale, in your clothes, in anything. it's fucking disheartening, yo.

granted i did have a wee little new year's road trip in their, & road food has never been well known for being the healthiest dining fare around, but i did resist the urge for mcdonalds. but i indulged in enough chips & chocolate to really make up for it. & then there were the gravy fries at nector's in vermont. YUM! but oh so unhealthy. &, also, i have to note, probably THE best hamburger that i have ever had in my whole long life. *homer-esq drools*

but it's a brand new year & a brand new start, for everyone. & i've decided that come hell or high water 2007 is going to be a fabulous year. i'm going to take the time that i need to focus on myself & do the things in my life that i've been putting off while i take care of others. & this challenge is just the start of all of that.

besides, i can't let jenn win challenge #2 also, it'll make her get a big head : )

it's all about the lincoln's, baby (part deux)

2007-01-05T15:31:00.000-08:00

on monday the five new member's of the fabulous competition will be weighing in to get the numbers down & hit the ground running from there.

it's jenn, me, & angel from the first competition. we'll also be joined by jessica & rochelle. blonde jen says she's dropping out, as is jack. we'll see come monday.

rules are the same, the game is the same, but this time, i'm gonna bring it.

yo.

i want to win, BADLY, really avoid getting surgery, cause if i fail this time at losing weight, i've been passing with flying colors on the surgery precertification, so slicey-dicey is pretty close for me & it scares the living be-jezus outta me. yet another good reason to try this whole caper again on my own. even if i can't win the competition itself, i'm gonna bust ass to win the golden ticket to better health, smaller jeans, & a non surgical solution to the biggest health crisis in america.

& the winner is. . .

2006-12-22T15:14:00.000-08:00

miss jenn beat me out with a total weight loss of 3.93% to my 3.14%.

kudos to miss jenn, awesome job!

keep up the great work over the holidays.

farm people will be back for a new & improved competition in january.

starting january 5th we'll have our first weigh in for the new game.

all the people! (hopefully) all new blogs!

in the mean time, pass by the 2nd helping at christmas dinner, politely refuse the cookie plate, & avoid fruitcake at all costs!

benched

2006-12-13T14:20:00.000-08:00

oi! so this morning as i was rushing out of my house to get to the gym with miss jenn i fell out of my house. yes, you read that right, i literally fell out of my house. some how my gym bag got caught on the door handle & i tripped & fell, with all my weight landing straight on my right knee. doh! so now my right knee hurts like a mother, i skinned it up pretty badly, & bruised it pretty well to boot.

the competition is really coming down to the wire right now, jenn has taken the lead as of the last official weigh in, she & i did an unofficial weigh in tuesday & i came out as the leader, by a slim margin, on that one. so it's still anyone's game & i'm really frustrated by the fact that it's pretty likely that my name is topping the injured list.

so i guess i'll have to pray really hard that this is just sore because i dropped 270 pounds on my poor little knee joint & that i'll be back in the gym by the end of this week. i may chance going tonight & doing some very light treadmill walking, or i may go home. i'm icing & adviling myself right now, so we'll see what happens in the next 3+hours.

week 7 results

2006-12-13T10:36:00.000-08:00

& they suck.

i gained. i gained 8.5 lbs in one week. how is that even possible?! i know, it's called razz-matazz. & it was super yummy, but i really shouldn't've had any, especially not the entire bottle over three nights. not a wise move, young skywalker. blech.

the ticker schtick is acting up, so here it is in plain old writing:

total loss so far: 2.5lbs.

oh, & how we have fallen, m'dear

2006-12-05T17:38:00.000-08:00

yeah, so i've pretty much taken a huge break from reality, workouts, eating healthy, & every other damn thing. maybe this is why i continually fail at this whole thing, 'cause it's fucking hard to do. not like i'm trying to be a huge whiney baby, but it is so freakin difficult.

intellectually i know i'll feel better by being better to my body. & by actually living the model of using food for fuel & not recreation. if i expect my body to perform well for me than i need to give it good fuel, & while they taste yummy, twinkies & snickers bars are not good fuel, they're the equivalent of putting used chicken grease in your toyata to get an extra .7 miles per gallon. not at all worth it, except in this case the nasty crap makes my mpg worse, not better. blech.

i feel like i go in cycles of doing well with my workouts & everything, then it all goes to shit & i'm eating badly & not working out & just in general doing very bad things to myself. & by bad i mean all the self destructive habits mentioned thus far: junk food, candy, ice cream, no workouts, all that crap. maybe there's something inside me fighting my attempts to be healthy. something very strong that is preventing me from making all these changes permanent.

the closer it gets to the end of this competition, the closer it gets to my possible surgery date, & the more panicked i feel. like a wild rabbit standing alone in the middle of a backyard with a black lab licking its chops & creeping my way. i know that dog can out run me without really trying, but holding still doesn't help either, & my heart is beating a million beats a minute, praying for some kind of reprieve of the whole goddamn thing.

three weeks & counting

2006-11-30T17:40:00.000-08:00

so it's down to the home stretch on the competition. it is still anyone game, & part of that is because none of us has really blown anyone out of the water. jenn is in first place, i'm in second, then it's jack, angel, & jen all close to each other. now granted, the other three haven't weighed in yet, so anything can still happen with the numbers.

which begs the question, projections & predictions for the end of the competition. at this point in time i'm pretty sure that jenn'll win just because of the fact that she's been busting her ass harder than any of the rest of us on this journey. but she is also fond of reminding me that with three weeks left anyone could break through & be uber impressive, which is true also.

for myself? i'm really hoping to see the other side of 260 by the time santa visits my house three days after the end of this whole dealie. basically i need to push myself hard to finish strong. in order to reach that goal of the 250's i technically have just 6lbs to go, which is doable. & if you look at the recommended pace of weight loss that's on the high end, since most health professionals say that you should lose no more than 2lbs/wk.

don't get me wrong, if i can push myself harder & lose more weight than that i won't bitch, moan, or say 'no thanks,' not by any means at all. but i'm also trying to be semi realistic so that i don't get too disappointed.

& then again. seriously folks, how the fuck is it that the people on biggest loser can routinely lose double digits week after week & they can be ok? um, ok, well maybe it has a little something to do with having a personal trainer, living in a controlled environment, working out 4-6 hours a day & having 250 grand riding on how much pudge melts off your butterball body.

i'm really not bitter about the whole BL thing, i love those guys! i even auditioned back in winter 2004 to be on the second season, obviously i didn't get it, or else i may have been the skinny ass bitch with the ever so hot matt. they are a wicked cute couple, but just saying, ya know?

so wish me luck gang, i want the win, i want the money, i want the satisfaction!

week 6 results: just a day early

2006-11-30T11:38:00.000-08:00

miss jenn & i weighed in a day early due to a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning that will prevent me from being able to do a pre-work workout/weigh in.

the good news is that i am NOT in the 270's again *do a little fat girl happy dance*

my weight is down four pounds from last week, small yippee on that, but jenn is also still kicking my butt by having lost 1.67% more than me, to date.

the bmi:
starting: 47.4
last week's: 46.2
this week's: 45.5

but it's a tick not a kcit, so i'll take it.

week 5 results

2006-11-24T17:20:00.000-08:00

yeah, so i gained, again. now up to 269, just a mere pound away from the dreaded 270's, yet again. & with thanksgiving being yesterday i ate lots of stuff that wasn't great for me. this is so demoralizing, i'm almost thinking i should just hand the cash straight over to jenn & not even lead myself into the delusion that i may lose enough to win this thing.

kcit kcit kcit <---that, btw, is tick backwards

steel your will power, good people

2006-11-22T09:49:00.000-08:00

& today, wednesday november 22, marks the end of normal eating for a six weeks. starting tomorrow my life will be inundated with deli trays of meat & cheeses, kugan, cookies, bbq meatballs, buffalo wings, sloppy joes, lasagna, lots of goodies of every ilk & flavor will be descending upon my house & my life. my family is even having mimosas tomorrow morning for breakfast. shoot, i'm in charge of picking up the muffins. add one more thing to today's to-do list.

but seriously, it does tend to happen this time of year. with thanksgiving begins the great eat-in. for six weeks it's basically non stop parties, pot lucks, family gatherings, dinner with friends, basically all of the major events that can lead to over eating. with the actual food opportunities i feel like it also has a lot to do with the feeling of entitlement, the weather, & the mood of the holiday season.

around this time of year most of us feel like, "well, thanksgiving only comes around once a year, i'll have just one more helping of grandma's stuffing, oh, & maybe just a tiny sliver of auntie marie's caramel apple pie, oh sure, a smidgen of ice cream on top of that pie would be fabulous." does this sound familiar to anyone? & then it's the same thing at every pot luck & party between now & the new year.

not like i'm saying it's right, because i definitely feel like i should be able to have better will power, after all, it's just food, right? & food should not have that much control over me. especially since lately food is falling short of my expectations. it's not tasting as good. & i think part of that is simply because i'm trying to, in general, eat better, there is some what of a dissatisfaction when i eat food that is really unhealthy. as if i can almost feel the negative effect that it is having on my body. now when i eat those "bad" foods, in moderation, just a small bite, then it's not so bad. i'm able to savor them, enjoy the flavor, & get on with my life. it's just sitting down to the whole meal that makes it less than satisfying.

tomorrow jenn & i are planning on hitting body pump at the Y in the morning. yes, the Y is open on thanksgiving day, just from 7am-noon instead of their normal hours of 5am-10pm. but they are having body pump, so we're planning on doing that. yeah, i know, it's crazy, getting up & exercising on the great american pig-out day. for heaven sakes, it's a national holiday! but i feel like in order not to go totally over board & eat like a pig & regret my actions, i need to get into the gym tomorrow morning, get a good hour or two workout in. because then when faced with a table full of my mom's wonderful home cooking, instead of piling my plate high, i'll have reasonable portions, enjoy being with my family, & keep that delicate balance of enjoying the holiday without becoming overstuffed.

i sincerely wish everyone a happy thanksgiving. i hope that you enjoy your celebrations, whatever they may be. & that you feel great about yourself waking up friday morning. & even if you do eat a bit too much turkey & fixings on thursday, don't hold it against yourself, & don't wait to january to hit the gym again & work on becoming healthier.

she just sounds like a fat girl

2006-11-21T06:18:00.000-08:00

after our post-work grocery shopping trip last night jenn said she was craving ice cream from mcdonald's & it's only 100 calories for a cone, so why don't we swing by & grab one. of course i thought long & hard about this & before i knew it we were at mcdonald's & i was ordering two cones, nothing else, please.

so the theory was, it's just 100 calories, a nice little treat to keep us from binging later on & eating everything in sight. & it's ice cream so it's a very nice treat. & it was, indeed, a great theory. in actuality we have no idea how many calories were in those cones. we pulled up & the drive-thru guy handed us two humongeous cones. the vanilla ice cream was about 1 1/2-2 times the height of the cone & almost twice as wide. i think it was the biggest cone i've ever gotten from mickey d's in my life.

jenn claimed that the guy who took my order thought we sounded like fat girls so he gave us more ice cream. my thought is that it was late at night & they were bored & figured hey, let's get us a little show 'cause these chicks are definitely gonna have to pull over to take care of these bad boys.

it did get me thinking though, what does a fat girl sound like? i've been told i sound young on the phone, & that i'm a huge flirt & very sexy. but i've never been told that i sound fat. now if i was on a video phone, well then maybe i could see that because people would have the visual to go with my voice. but just voice? i know what old sounds like & i know what young sounds like. male versus female. all that jazz, but i don't know that i can say i know 100% for sure what fat sounds like.

being a rep in a call center i talk to a LOT of people, every day of the week. & for every person that i talk to i can kind of imagine maybe what they look like a bit, i'm sure that i'm wickedly off for most of them. but for all of them i just imagine them as basically average. average height, average weight. i don't really think of any of them as fat or thin. does that mean that fat is all in your head?

i saw an interview with the fantabulous bob from biggest loser on the tv guide website yesterday. he was explaining his approach to helping people lose weight. he said that he works from the inside out. that when a person is happy & healthy & beautiful inside then it comes out in their physical appearance. my favorite quote is "your body will follow where your mind goes." that, is deep man, super deep.

playin the game, baby

2006-11-20T09:35:00.000-08:00

even though i really want to lose weight for my health & all those good reasons, i've lost sight of the fact that this farm people thing IS a game, & i haven't really been playing the game. i've been letting my little wants & desires for food & temporary satisfaction get in the way of the longer goal of kicking my competitor's butts & grinning like the cheshire cat on christmas day when i've got their money to keep me warm. hehehehehe.

so miss jenn slid into first place this past friday pushing me down to second as i gained weight & she lost. but i'm not even ticked or irked or anything like that towards her, but more disappointed in myself for not having the strength & the will power & the fortitude to put my chubby nose to the grindstone & push myself to win.

part of what's been mind-fucking me is the fact that i know that i need to lose weight to feel better & i want to do it, but i'm sacred that if i lose too much then my doctor won't send in a referral for the gastric bypass & that if i lose too much the surgery center will say that i need some more time to try this whole caper on my own.

then again, i have been trying pretty hard lately, & in the month since i was at hcmc last & my appointment last thursday i had only lost two pounds. two mother freakin pounds. yeah, that really made me a sad panda. i worked hard, ate mainly only those stupid lean cuisine meals & all of that work results in a two pound loss in one month. now isn't that a kick in the teeth! at that rate it would take me well over four years to lose the weight that i need to lose.

in either case, this is a competition & i've been lax. but this weekend i did change things up a bit. i went to the Y on saturday with the fabulous jenn & did a butt kicking hour & a half work out. we did cardio in two forms: elliptical & rowing machine, then weights & stretching. i was a bit sore sunday, but it was well worth it because it also made me eat less the rest of the day even though i was on a mini road trip. & i even woke myself up early sunday to do a 45 minute workout in the hotel gym & a nice relaxing soak in the hot tub before we had to get back on the road to head north.

so i'm going into thanksgiving week strong, now i just need to keep up my momentum & motivation so that come turkey day i'm not tempted to gorge myself & ruin all the hard work that i have been doing. besides, turkey day is the day before weigh in. & i need to pull a loss this week. can't let jenn get too far ahead of me.

week 4 results: warning boys- tmi ahead

2006-11-17T09:00:00.000-08:00

yeah, ok, so normally i'm not one to bitch about the results of my weigh ins because i know that it's usually due to me being a porker & stuffing anything & everything fried, sugared, or sugary fried into my face & then sitting my ass on the couch for the scub-a-thon on comedy central. but this week i did mostly try. i didn't gorge myself, & i did decently on the workouts. my little trip to urgent care on tuesday did put me a wee bit out of the game, but i managed to get a workout in wednesday morning & get right back on the fitness thing despite the dizzy spells.

& i know i haven't been drinking enough water, but it shouldn't make much of a difference on the scale. so what perse am i bitching about today? what i'm bitching about is the fact that women have it so much harder in the weight loss game than men. let's break it down like this: so you try really hard, being conscience of what you're eating & exercising & week one you lose weight, yippee! then you keep up that momentum for week two & lose again, fabulous, you go on girl with your bad self. then week three, it's getting to be "that time of the month" & you start wanting to eat everything in sight including the walls of your cube & your keyboard, maybe with a little mustard for zip, & weigh in time you gain, mother fucker. then week four, you're bloated & cranky, still wanting to eat everything in sight, dealing with your period & it feels like someone is twisting your ovaries in figure eights just for shits & giggles, but you still hit the gym, try to eat healthy, & you gain again. double mother fucker.

so that's my bitch of the day & why i'm a bit cranky over my lack of weight loss, or rather my actual weight gain, two pounds up from last week. two FUCKIN pounds?! & then i've got my gang of cheerleaders at work & my mom at home swearing up & down that i'm losing weight or sliming down or something & the scale mocks me, taunting me, saying neener neener neener, you're headed for the 270's again, ha ha ha ha ha! & i'm feeling like it doesn't matter if i eat well or if i go & pig out on everything that i want, because it's not gonna matter either way.

& the bmi results:
starting bmi: 47.4
last week's bmi: 45.7
this week's bmi: 46.0

so here's my ticker with my pathetic backwards flying butterfly. can i get just one more mother fucker?! mother fucker. thanks.

week 3 results

2006-11-10T05:32:00.000-08:00

i'm a sad panda : (

i had a gain this past week: half a pound. then again, considering i skipped working out four days in a row, ate like a pig & drank like a fish, a mere half pound gain isn't too terrible. i'm still in the 260's, which makes me happy, & being under 265 by thanksgiving is totally attainable still, i'm at 266.25 right now, so if i can just lose two pounds in the next two weeks i'll be g2g. &, overall i'm still doing well in the competition, i'm down a total of 9.25lbs, which is fabulous, & people at work are saying that i look like i'm losing weight. it really is nice to have that encouragement.

so the bmi's are:
starting bmi:47.4
last week's bmi:45.6
this week's bmi: 45.7

& tick tick tick me!

motivation

2006-11-09T11:42:00.000-08:00

so how do you handle it when the spirit is willing but the flesh is totally weak & worn out?

that's where i'm coming from right now. i'm trying to get motivated to join miss jenn at the body pump classes at the Y, but i can't seem to get up enough gumption to roll out of bed at 4:30am & leave my house at 5am to pick up miss jenn & be to the Y in time for the wickedly early start time of 6am. yeah, that's early. especially when i work 'til 8pm & i've been going to the Y after work everyday for a half hour or so workout.

not like i'm asking anyone to pity me, i'm just not sure how much more a girl can do. i feel like i'm rarely to never at home anymore. i'm there just long enough to sleep, do my laundry, make my lunch & then i'm off again. & even though i tend to be a bit of an extrovert & i LOVE doing things & hanging out with my friends, i'm also the exact opposite in that i need to also have my home time & if i don't get my home time i get cranky. yes yes, totally opposite, i know. hi, have we met? i'm a gemini.

maybe i need to get my house in order & figure out a way to do more activity when i'm actually at home. that way i won't feel like i'm never there but i'll still be able to get in my daily workouts. that doesn't solve the body pump issue, but maybe it solves a bit of it. & then there's the fact that i own two soloflexes, two yoga mats, three exercise mats, & about sixty or so exercise videos/dvds. i seriously have enough stuff to open my own gym.

OH, um, yeah, so i'm definitely less than brilliant today. there is a Y kind of near my house over on the east side of st. paul, so i can definitely try to get over there for body pump. to be honest, part of it is that it's nice working out with jenn because she helps me push myself when i really want to give up. (did i mention on my lunch break she made me walk down to 1st floor, walk briskly for 15minutes, & then walk back up to the 5th floor???) & i know that i very well could do body pump without her, but what's the fun in not having my workout buddy there?

peek-a-boo i see you

2006-11-08T09:41:00.000-08:00

so i took a little peek at the scale in the locker room at work today, & it read off 266.6 to me. hmmm. i think that scale runs a little "light" compared to the one at the Y, so i'm pretty scared for weigh in day after tomorrow. i really don't want to see the 270's again, EVER! unless the 270's we're talking about are me earning 270K/year, that i'm willing to accept, but not the poundage thing.

yeah *sighs* i know, totally my fault for being a huge porker this past weekend & eating all the junk food & then not working out for a few, ok FOUR, days. i did get a workout in this morning though, i did 33 minutes on the elliptical & then i did a WHOLE five minutes of weight lifting. yeah, the weight lifting is kinda not enough, but i can do some of that today at my desk in between calls & on my breaks & that. ok, so the weights at my desk are only 2lbs each, but that really adds up & you can feel it after you do a ton of reps with them.

maybe i'll put some more air in my balance ball & sit on that for a while too. i've heard conflicting reports about if that actually helps with strengthening your core or not, but i know that it does help me with my posture because i really can't slouch when sitting on one of those because i'll topple over, bang my head on the floor, & knock over my cube neighbor's wall & desk. & while that would be hilarious on a sitcom, i'm guessing it wouldn't go over so well here in the real world.

but, today's a new day, i woke up, i got to exercise. i was able to make my own breakfast, bathe myself, pick out my own clothes & dress myself. & all of that is more than some people can do. so we'll say it's a good day & go forward with the attitude that it'll be splendid. it's also beautiful weather outside, so i'm going to take a walk on my lunch break & actually get some of that wonderful fresh air before it gets so cold outside that my lungs get frostbit walking from the car into work.

losing steam

2006-11-07T17:42:00.000-08:00

it's a hard knock life, sometimes. & boy i've been feeling a few bumps lately. i was SO perfectly angelic last week, with what i ate, & making sure that i worked out very often, & then the weekend hit & it's like some kind of bad habit demon hatched from my skin. & i ate junk food, & sat around on my butt, & got drunk. basically a complete & total 180 from where i had been on wednesday or thursday of that week.

right now i'm still feeling kind of off from my little trip into la-la land. i know that i need to work out again, especially since i had actually been starting, just a wee little touch of a bit, to have more energy from my workouts. & my obsession with food was waning. i mean, sure, i was bitching about not eating "real" or "good" food, but i was getting used to lean cuisine being my food. i won't even try to claim that i was enjoying it, even though some of the meals are not-so-bad.

what THEY say is very true, it's so much easier to be a sinner than a saint. what THEY don't mention in their nice little phraseology is that it's a hell of a lot harder to be in purgatory than to be a saint. &, when it comes to this whole weight loss farce, i feel i'm sitting square in purgatory right now.

i can't even think too much on the numbers, the competition, or any of that. admittedly, i really don't want to lose the bet, but for right now i'm just taking a look at this coming friday & hoping that i don't mess up too badly & gain lots of weight. i'm hoping, praying, that maybe i'll be able to just stay even. that would be really nice, to stay even.

&, for the record, i really must know, on what planet is it justice that you can gain ten pounds over night & it takes two solid weeks, or more, of working yourself to death in order to lose that amount of weight? god seriously has a messed up sense of humor. & that's all i have to say about that.

week 2 results

2006-11-03T10:24:00.000-08:00

despite the fact that i've had a very bad self admitted weekend as far as eating & working out goes, i managed to pull in a pretty good number this week, which most definitely makes me happy. i lost 5.25 lbs this week, bringing my grand total of weight loss to 10.25 for the entire competition, thus far.

my competition is doing well too, miss jenn has been a literal demon when it comes to the gym & when we work out together & i want to slack i look over at her & somehow find that extra little burst of energy to keep myself going for the rest of the program.

it's odd, but while i'm happy that i've lost so much, it almost seems false. like i don't want to believe it too much or it'll all come back & bring twenty friends. it also seems like i'm so very far from my goal that it's nearly unattainable. also, i have mixed feelings about doing this whole thing on my own, because i'm looking to be a perfect canidate for gastric bypass, & if i keep losing like this i'll kick myself out of the "running" as it were.

it's a complicated thing. if my bmi drops below 40 then i'm not longer a canidate for surgery, but then again, i'm not sure that i have it in me to do this all on my own. but i'm also in this competition to win the money, ok, not the best reason to lose weight, but i'm not ashamed of saying that lots of it right now is about the lincolns.

starting bmi:47.4
last week's bmi: 46.5
this week's bmi: 45.6

hips don't lie, but what about my pants?

2006-11-02T22:16:00.000-08:00

so this week i've begun sporting the ever so unpopular fashion of sagging pants at work. even my low rise panties are peeking over the top of my black dress pants. now i've had this particular pair of pants for nearly a year now. & they've seen me as low as 259, when i thought i'd have to wear safety pins to work or, *dreaded gasp* spend another freakin 50 bucks on dress pants for work. they've also seen me up around 283 when i was considering joining the line up of the vikes just so i could hang out with people in my same weight class.

they're also the kind of pants that fit well right out of the dryer & then stretch a bit & get loose with a half day or so of wear. so i can't tell if they're just tired & giving up because of the fact that they're not dryer fresh today, or if i really am losing weight. but they've lied to me in the past before, or at least fibbed a bit, so i'm definitely hesitant to base too much optimism on my loose fitting pants.

wish me luck on the weigh in, 'cause i'm gonna be uber upset if my pants are playing mind games with me. yes yes yes, i know, you must be smarter than your clothing.

& a nice hearty farm welcome. . . .

2006-11-01T17:50:00.000-08:00

. . . .to angel, the newest member of our farm people challange. she also works with myself, jenn & jen, so it'll be interesting come treat fridays here at cube-ville.

two days til weigh in

2006-11-01T15:00:00.000-08:00

& i'll admit that i'm a bit nervous. i've had some pretty heavy issues, no pun intended, going on in my personal life which have made the whole diet & exercise thing not so much of a priority, which it really should be, because i'm doing this whole misadventure to try to make myself healthier. & i am totally worth being priority number one in my life (but don't tell my puppy walker or kitty cleo, they both have delusions of being #1 on my list).

i'm back on track, or, at least i can see the track now. i did work out yesterday morning & this morning, & the fabulous miss jenn & i will be hitting the Y tonight for a post work workout. i even picked up a small am/fm radio today so that i can listen to the biggest loser on the tv at the Y while i do my workout. so probably exercise bike or treadmill for me tonight since they're within viewing distance of the tv. & the ellipticals are not in view of the nbc tv. yes, i know, bad habit to plan my workout based on which piece of equipment has the best view of the tv, but better than noshing on junk food while sitting on my fat ass at home watching biggest loser, right?

so today i'm trying to get myself all psyched up as i do an ass check in the mirror at work & i said to myself "yo self, if you get into the 260's, like under 263, before thanksgiving then you can have a piece of pie." & then i spent about three hours dreaming about pie & what kind of pie i would get, would it be from baker's square, maybe something choc-gasmic, or maybe my mom's homemade lemon meringue if she makes it, or the lemon dream cake/pie at jack's aunt's if we go over there, trust me, the fantasies i had about pie today are obscene, to say the least. at best they were food porn.

& then, while wiping some stray drool from my chin after a particularly detailed vision of lemon dream pie, i realized, "so, i'm motivating myself to work out, eat healthy, & lose weight by fantasizing about diving mouth first into a pie?" yeah, didn't make much sense to me either, & so i took a mental step back & realized, perhaps another reward should be in order. i've been rewarded with food my whole life, by my parents, grand parents, school, & even work that i've gotten so acclimated to food being the result of good: behavior, test scores, work habits, or just 'cause it's a tuesday. not that i'm placing blame elsewhere, cause it has been my pudgy hands shoveling the sweets into my face for the last decade & a half or so, anything under about 14 i think my parents could've made significant changes, but that's neither here nor there.

so pies. i mean rewards. since torrid is my favoritist place in the whole wide word, i'm thinking of letting myself get some snarky new tee the weekend after thanksgiving if i can get below the mythical 263, or maybe 262 since the ocd math part of me likes it better 'cause it's a palindrome. & i'm sure torrid will have some fabulous diva sales that weekend. the mall will be hellacious for parking, but then again, torrid my dear, torrid!

as for friday, i'll work out, choke down my stinkin' lean cuisine, & see which way the scales tip. & miss jenn is dragging me to body pump tomorrow morning, which means i'll be sore & cranky by 7:05 am. but, totally not related, ks95 is going birthday bucks again starting tomorrow, so hopefully they'll call out my birthday & i can score myself five grand. ah, that would be lovely right now.

& the week ones are in

2006-10-27T09:49:00.000-07:00

so the first stats are in. & it's looking good. i'll let my cohorts reveal their own triumphs to the world, but myself, i lost five pounds, which makes me wicked happy. it's five closer to being able to do all those things that i want to do. & it's five pounds closer to me winning the big money!

it's like the biggest loser, except in the real world & without trainers. oh wait, it's like actually losing weight in the real world! & not the MTV show : ) so here's a tracker. i picked a weight that i would be happy with. & this is a new ticker for readers of both my blogs so that your eyes don't get bored.

oddest gym injury, ever

2006-10-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

so last night i was working out with miss jenn at our fabulous local Y & after our workout & stretching she tells me that her right eye is bugging her something fierce. she keeps rubbing at it making her eye redder & redder, most likely by scraping the surface of her eyeball on the foreign object.

& even though it seemed kind of wrong, standing in the cardio room next to the water fountain, i offered to take a look to see if i could determine the object of her agitation. she pulled at her eye lids & yup, sure enough, she had an eye lash stuck vertically in her eye. i offered to pull it out, but was upfront with the fact that i was hestitant about the whole thing because i thought maybe she might flinch causing my fingernail to scrape her cornea which wouldn't be good for either one of us. & jenn didn't want her eye gouged out by my fingernail & i didn't want any eyeball goo on my nails, so we scratched that plan, no pun intended.

i told her the eye lash was right there & i was sure she could get it out if she looked in the mirror, so we headed to the bathroom. jenn stood nose to nose with the bathroom mirror, which i thought to be a brave thing because i don't trust any public bathroom anywhere. she saw the renegade eyelash, poked at it, prodded it, & stamped her feet several times after it stayed firmly lodged in place.

once again, it was my turn to look. she turned towards me, looked down, then up, & i couldn't believe what i saw. i told her "you're not going to like this." & she didn't. what i saw what that she had a long eye lash growing out from the underside of her eyelid, pointing straight down. most bizarre thing i've seen in quite a while. i told her i had a tweezers in my purse, just in case she wanted that to be an option. & of course it wasn't, since if she didn't want my long elvira nails near her eye why would she want me near it with a sharp pointed metal object?

jenn continued rubbing her eye & *poof* the eye lash was out of her eye & on her finger tip. as she looked in the mirror jenn noticed there was a rather significant hole in her upper eye lid, which, to be frank, creeped me out just the wee teeniest little bit. she then did some examinations & noticed tiny pinprick holes in both lower lids, & then noticed there was a hole on her upper left eye lid, matching the one that the stray eyelash came out of just moments before.

it then dawned on us, somehow an eyelash fell out of her eyelid, into her eye & then proceeded to shove itself up into her tear duct.

yeah, so weirdest gym injury ever: miss jenn got an eyelash in her tear duct as a result of stretching post elliptical.

welcome to the farm people's blog

2006-10-24T16:39:00.000-07:00

hi there, this is beckah, & welcome to our blog. some of you may know me from my blog, beckah's blog, & others may have just stumbled upon us by chance. in either case, pull up a chair & a low-cal snack & enjoy the show.

so far there's four members of this challenge. there's myself, jenn, jen, & jack. each of us is doing this for a different reason, but we're all in it to cheer each other on, lose "the weight", and of course win the big money! here's how it works: starting this past weekend we each weighed in with our starting weight. every friday we'll weigh in, i'll be the keeper of the notes & the lincoln's. each week each person puts five bucks into the pot, lose or gain, it's five bucks to play the game. it started this past weekend, october 20-22, 2006. and will go until friday december 22, 2006. whomever loses the most percentage of weight in that time gets the whole kit n kaboodle. right now the anticipated pot is $180. 4 people times 5 bucks a week times nine weeks= grand prize $180. we may be gaining a fifth in which case the stakes will rise to $225.

the rules? it's simple, lose weight in a healthy way. no dried dragons bones or eating disorders. no purging of any kind. for once we're all trying to do this the "right" way. & yes we realize right for one is not right for all, that's why the only restriction is that it has to be healthy. one person may do atkins while another does weight watchers. we're not here to judge, just support.

as for the blog name, that comes from a tragic conversation i had with my mom last week, actually on the topic of gastric bypass. here's the full on blog i wrote about it, so i won't bore you with those details. the punch line of it is that at the end of all of it, she pled her case for me not pursuing gastric bypass because she stated that "you come from farm people, & farm people are big." i told the jenns about this & jack & everyone i could think of & they all found it quite hilarious that the term farm people*** is synonymous with fat. & as a result we decided what better way than to document our transformation than to use the term supplied to us by my mother.

i'll let each of my team-mates update the blog in their own way with their own quirky stories, as for me, this is my last chance before going for the slicey-dicey. i've started the process of getting approved for gastric bypass early this month. my nutritionist thinks i'm the perfect canidate & sees great success in my future. while i'm going ahead full steam with planning for the surgery, which could be as early as january, i decided i couldn't just sit & stuff my face in the mean time. this is basically my last chance to do it on my own. if i don't make it then i'll be getting the full on gastric bypass early next year.

& like i told miss jenn & miss jen, i have basically no shame, as you can see from my other blog. so here's my starting stats:
weight: 276 lbs
height: 5' 4 1/2"
shape: jiggly hour-glass
goal: right now anything under 200lbs

***btw, we don't mean any offense to people who do actually live on a farm & are literally farm people.